When you read the title you either thought…”That’s not me!!” and went on to continue organizing your pencils, pens in neat rows and alphabetize your schoolbooks. Or, you may have read it and thought..”There are other people like me, that don’t always love homeschooling and are afraid?”
This is my 10th year of homeschooling coming up, counting kindergarten. It is daunting. I have at least another 9-10 years ahead of me. There are so many books, curriculums, co-ops, classes etc. available, that I find the task of deciding what to do, exhausting.
I sit here, staring at catalogs, shelves of books and often the tears feel like coming. For one, it feels like often, money is an obstacle in the way of achieving the “best” education. If you work twice as hard, extend yourself beyond what you believe you can do, you may be able to reach just an okay level of education, but you might fail.
What is homeschooling? Do you feel you are inadequate in many ways? Why do we have all the methods available now, that were not there before?
I am sitting here, contemplating buying a $400 curriculum, only for history and literature. Those are two of my favorite subjects, which I love and can teach with my hands tied behind my back. Why am I afraid that if I do not have this expensive curriculum, I will be unable to teach it?
The fear of not being good enough, not doing enough, not living up the standards placed on us has overwhelmed many homeschool moms. We believe ourselves to be failures if our child is not above and beyond the social norm.
Enter the child with learning disabilities. I learned last year when an experience left me with a bitter taste in my mouth that reminded me of a public school experience. It left the student discouraged and myself, as a teacher, wondering if I was inadequate.
I realized that a child that doesn’t struggle in school getting an A in a class is the norm. A child that struggles with multiple roadblocks, a C is similar to an A. The teacher that acts like they just are not trying hard enough to pay attention is one of the reasons I homeschool.
Enter, me, the faint of heart homeschooler. I don’t believe I am good enough. That comes across to my children when I am teaching them, that I don’t believe they are good enough to go anywhere in this world academically. This can discourage a child and break them from trying.
I didn’t plan on homeschooling. I didn’t believe I could do it. I was disorganized, hate schedules and lack patience to teach. When I ended up needing to homeschool, I struggled for a few years. I have slowly come to the point where I can believe that I am going to do this.
This year, I am taking some more steps outside of my comfort zone. I am not sure how it is going to work, but I hope that my children will measure up to the measuring stick I know that they can do.
I refuse to tell myself anymore that I can’t do it. I won’t tell them they can’t do it. I will look outside the box for help and support.