It is a beautiful morning this morning! I woke up before 6 am this morning, and since I was unable to fall back asleep, (which is what I usually do), I proceeded with a quiet, normal morning for me.
I worked on catching up on my work on the computer, checking email, thinking about the bills that need to be paid. I moderated comments on the Naturally Born site that I am a moderator on and checked to see if there were any questions that I might be able to answer. I headed over to NotQuiteAmish blog, and pinned a few posts as well as commented on a few. It is my week to do so as my helping with promotion of the blog.
The episode of ER that I had stopped in the middle of last night was waiting for me on the computer, so I finished the last few minutes of it, before considering the rest of my responsibilities. My dreams had been full of swirling thoughts and decision making. How should my son’s high school transcript look? Should I close the windows of the house before 10 am to keep the house cool? What should I make for dinner so that the house stays cool? What is the best price for gutters on the house? And last, but not least, how can I convince my husband that buying a Harley Davidson leather jacket is not the best investment of his money and really doesn’t look good?
I gave up to read a book, which was about a man that was rejected by all for his looks, but sought after for his brains and money. He seeks revenge for how he is treated, but when that feels empty, he finds life in trusting Jesus with his life and found that forgiveness was more fulfilling than revenge. It wrapped up rather quickly, but other than getting uncomfortable laying on the bed with the book, was satisfying.
I began to think about transparency. You see, I have been doing a lot of thinking about how I live my life. The daily struggles are what each family or head of household faces can be wearisome at times.
We can seek to hold up a front before others. We wear makeup to appear that we have perfect skin, we pin lovely meals on Pinterest, hoping others or even hope that we might make them one day.
One thing I realized is even when you know the right answers, sometimes it is hard to actually get it done.
You see in what I detailed in my morning routine, I left out a lot of stuff, the mundane hard parts of the morning. They are the things that are better left unsaid, spoken in private, but leave your heart aching sometimes. There are days when it is the mundane that leaves my heart feeling empty, worthless and longing for more.
It is then that I ask myself, who am I? When I describe myself, do I only see my value in what I can do for myself or for others? Or do I have value just if I was just me?
I found that doing things for others is very fulfilling, but also empty. Often people start to see you as valuable for what you can offer them, and not as a person anymore. They seek you out when they need help or support, because they know they can count on you. The problem is when you need help or support, your relationship is mostly one sided and they generally are too busy with other real friendships to help you out or even just visit at times.
Earlier this year, I sat at a party, surrounded by people that knew me and felt like I was in high school again. I was the one everyone knew who I was, but no one really knew me. They knew the surface things, but not who I really was, and frankly, didn’t care all that much to dig into it. They either figured it wasn’t worth it or it wasn’t all that interesting.
So, I ask all of you, how many of your friends do you really know? If they were struggling, would you really know it? Do you have a friend you care about, but realize that you don’t know much about their life other than what you see in public?
I would like to challenge you to dig beyond the facade and get some transparency with one or two people in your life. No, not everyone needs to know your business, certainly not on a public blog. But you shouldn’t find yourself the person that everyone knows, but no one cares enough to know when they need more than a casual friendship.