Monthly Archives: September 2019

First World Blindness?

I was listening to a speaker give a talk recently and had thoughts flood through my brain.

I started scribbling notes as I thought, and figured I could share them with you all.


We live a fairly sheltered life when it comes to poverty, many people would say. But still in that, comes a certain amount of blindness to the kinds of poverty we have here.

My mom is visiting Africa right now, and no, our poverty looks different than it looks there.

(You can find some of her adventures here on “Adventures of a Midwife”)

This was a new kitchen that she shared a photo of.


For us, in most First world countries, we would be thinking that this was not something we could live with.

This would not be a grocery experience that we would think was adequate.


I often see posts on social media how they can’t make ends meet, or make their special diets work. They have to have gluten free, dairy free, soy free, nut free, low carb and the like. I am not anti-special diets. They are needed to help people remain healthy. But sometimes I think, we allow our mentality and freedom to choose take away our common sense.  I think sometimes reframing how we think about nutrition and food, and what we think we “need”, we could be much healthier eating simply.

What if we walked everywhere? Could you eat rice, beans and squash every day?

What if you only ate what you could grow in your yard? Would you take the time to cultivate your yard more?

I struggle with this as I lack time. I am so busy working to survive, that I don’t have the time to often do everything needed like that. But what if I simplified things, so that I needed less, and gained time?

Often when you hear people talk about saving money in the USA, at least, we hear the old adages.

“Stop ordering coffee once a week and you will save $260 a year.”

“Everyone has $5-$30 to spare. You can find it somewhere to share with us or save.”


What if you never order coffee? What if your grocery budget is $5-$30?”

Often people think that in this country of plenty, there are not any hungry people. They talk about food banks, food stamps, and other programs to help those in need.

I will say that I have been a starving person in America. I did not have access to food banks, food stamps or any program to help with food. Later when I had access, I had been taught how wrong it was to use those programs, so refused, and even if I could get past that, the judgment from others that went towards the people that did was enough to make it more worthwhile to starve.

I remember standing in the grocery store, staring at the apples and wishing I had the money to buy one. I had $5 to spend for food. I bought a loaf of bread, some flour and yeast and a thing of turkey ham, if I remember right that time. It was enough when combined with things in my pantry at home that I could make some meals. If I could get a vegetable, I would buy cabbage or lettuce.

There were times that I had $20 for the month to purchase food for the family. It is shameful, but we would go dumpster diving to look for expired food that was in packages to use. If it was still cold, we would wash off the packages and eat good. I remember being so happy to find some meat and tortillas.

We read books on wild foraging. Rose hip jam with homemade bread, soups with wild onion and garlic, steamed cattails were things we tried or my friends did. We didn’t like everything. Wild meat from hunting or animals that were raised was used as well.

You learn how to survive, but not always thrive. I lived in a brain fog. I would frequently pass out from exercise, even though I was a healthy person. I suffered a broken bone from lack of nutrition and poor medical follow up caused me long term issues.

Poverty in a first world country is not as rare as you think. Sometimes it is caused from people making poor choices. Occasionally it is people ending up in abusive situations that cause them to be stranded in those poor choices. We were eventually restricted from dumpster diving for food as the leaders felt it was a poor example to the community. The issue still remained that we were lacking food.

So, what is the answer?

I think that sometimes there are multiple avenues you can go with this.

  1. Identify the poor in your community.
  2. Seek out ways to help them to find safety, choices and healing not by always giving them a hand out, but offering them a helping hand to find resources to be independent.
  3. Don’t assume that there are not any poor in your area that might need help. These are not the ones you will see at the food bank usually. These are more likely the ones serving in the community.
  4. Look for the overwhelmed that seem like maybe they need help with yard work, they have extra stuff around or might need help in more physical ways. Often we don’t realize that poverty can mean you can’t do landscaping, or afford to get rid of things. It might mean you are stuck with repairs that need to be done, and you just live with it the way it is.
  5. Don’t be entitled. It can be hard to realize that something that is so simple to you, like hiring a plumber, or mowing your grass, might be out of reach for them. They may not be able to pay the plumber or buy a mower, if they want their kids to eat that week.
  6. Watch for things like being unable to obtain medical care, they don’t have socks, their shoes are old, or perhaps struggle with personal hygiene. Toothpaste, deodorant and soap can sometimes be out of reach, especially if all the money is going to food or electricity.
  7. Never shame someone for taking government assistance or using programs to help get out of the situation. Don’t say, “Well, someone is paying for that. It isn’t free.” While true, those words can shame the very people we are wanting to help, rather than stopping the ones that abuse it.

It is easy when we have never experienced it, to think that someone is lazy. It is easy to think that they just need to pull up their boot straps and get it done.

The poor in America are not like in a third world country, but they in some ways, have a greater disadvantage. They are the working poor. The overlooked. Others do not see them. They are most likely sitting next to you in church. They are likely working with you. They may be a teacher at your school or a student.

Don’t turn a blind eye on the poor of America. They need us to be able to be the support of the nation.

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As the Light Fades by Catherine West



When I read, “The Things we knew”, I hoped for a sequel, which this is not a sequel, but a stand alone. I wanted to read more about the siblings.
There are a lot of family dynamics without even extra things added in because you have a lot more people making different choices. This story follows another sibling, but you can read it as a stand-alone. I think you would gain more from reading “The Things We Knew” beforehand, but you will totally enjoy it on its own.

I loved the art threads throughout, the therapy done with elderly people, as well as how there were the stories of the secondary characters woven all throughout. I don’t know that there is another author that can have the story encompass more than one point of view, but still not make you feel dragged all over the place with such talent.

This story was so meaningful to me. She shows how a realistic women’s fiction story can be inspiring and not depressing in the least bit. I loved every second of reading it and highly recommend it.

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What is a Girl Worth? By Rachel DenHollander



My Review:

As I read through this book, I felt the pain of a person that survived sexual abuse in a way like no other book has touched me. This book is not filled with graphic descriptions of abuse. It is not about a story of someone you struggle to relate to.
This is the story of a little girl that grew to be a woman, and led an army to challenge an abuser. In doing so, so gave hope to millions of people, I would say. She gave hope that while there are so many people that will hear a story of abuse, attack it, reject it or downplay what happened to you, it is worth speaking out. The pain is worth it if it saves one other little girl. How much is a little girl worth? She is worth everything.
The quote from one of the women that testified in court was stated in this book, and it stuck with me. “Perhaps you have figured it out by now. Little girls don’t stay little forever. They grow into strong women that return to destroy your world.”

This woman writing the story enabled many, many women to testify against their abuser. I believe this story will continue to inspire many more to speak out against abuse in every way. We are not seeking revenge, but justice and safety for every child.

Some readers might be afraid that if they read this book, they may be triggered by the topic. I would say that the triggers you will have from this book might be hard, but worth it in the end as I believe they will empower you. They will show you that sometimes people that are victimized, get justice. It is worth it in the hard times to push through, even when it seems like no one is listening. In the end, even if one person, namely, yourself, knows you are of value, it is worth it.

I obtained this book from the publisher. All the opinions and thoughts contained herein are my own.


You can purchase this book on Amazon or wherever books are sold.

“What is a Girl Worth” 

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The “Bad” Book.

“That’s a bad book.” The voice of a child, about 12 years old startled me as I heard them telling their sister to not touch a book on my table. I looked to where they were pointing to see “A Tale of Two Cities” there.

“Well, it is a matter of opinion.” I smiled and kindly replied.

Her stare could have melted through concrete. “My parents said it is a bad book.”


I was struck by the interchange for several reasons.

  1. I had never heard that particular book have any description that it was “bad”. My mind went nuts thinking that maybe it was because it spoke of executions, compared the good vs. evil among the characters and that the playboy in the story, had detailed exploits with drinking.
  2. She believed her parents were absolutely right. No matter what. They were right. Others were wrong, and her sister needed to be warned from it.
  3. She didn’t even think to judge for herself at all. She simply accepted what had been told to her.
  4. It is highly likely her parents told her that it was not a book they wanted her to read at her age, and forbade it at the moment. They likely did not explain beyond, “It’s bad.”

All of these things are not wrong, but in combination, can set up for a very dangerous cycle. It wasn’t really anything I could fix with this, nor was it my place, but it taught me a lesson. It wasn’t really about the interaction. It was more about the life lesson that I observed.

What happens if in high school, her parents assign her to read “A Tale of Two Cities.”? They will have brought up doubts in her mind as to what else they have not told her the truth about.  If they don’t ever require her to read it, and she finds out as an adult the premise of the story, she may then begin to doubt everything else she was taught.

Often it seems easier to just tell our children what they should or shouldn’t watch. What they should read or shouldn’t read. We pre-screen everything, protect them from the possible evils that we know are out there, but forget that children grow into adults.

When is it time to stop protecting and teach wise judgment?

  1. We should be teaching our children right, wrong and ethics from a young age.
  2. We should be teaching kindness vs. judgement of others that do differently than we do.
  3. We should have a time, ages 8-12, where we start to allow them to make more choices that we guide, rather than dictate. Instead of saying, “That is a bad book.” we would say, “I am not sure that this book is appropriate for your age. Let’s take a look at the back.  What do you think?” You can still make the final call, but asking them to take a look themselves, gets them to think for themselves.
  4. When they start to hit ages 12-18, you want them to be working more and more to make wise choices on their own. This means, you should be a guide more and more to the point that you work yourself out of a job. Give them chances to choose their own books, after guiding them for the previous four years, see how they put it into practice. When they choose something you don’t like, instead of forbidding, ask questions. “Why do you think I might not like this book/movie?” “How do you feel after reading this?”


When we work from this direction, we will find that instead of children that walk away from our beliefs, morals and ethics, you will have individuals that you have raised that may not always agree with you, but they will know how to do so with aplomb. They will have grace in it.

I smiled at the young girl at my table, sadly. I was saddened by the choices I saw, in that in their desire to protect, they had harmed.  A comment from someone else that heard it, “That is homeschooling for you.” or something similar.

In reality, it doesn’t have to be.  Those parents were truly doing what they believed was best for their children. But, I believe we can change this and be better. Teaching our children kind, wise and ethical judgement is something we can change for the future.  We can change the future, but changing how we teach our children.


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Have you ever felt like a failure? IMG_0914

That was supposed to be a world cake. What? You can’t see it?

What happens when you feel like your life is categorized by the little or big things in life and determine your value?

Do you listen to the voices that tell you that you are a failure?

Recently one of my children had a decision they had to make. I knew I needed to be there on the journey and support their decision, even if I felt it was not the right one. But I couldn’t stop hearing the nagging voice that told me that if they made the decision that I felt was wrong, I had failed.

Had I?

Was I a failure because someone chose to walk a different pathway than I would choose?

No. I wasn’t.

Did I fail at making a tasty cake and decorating it in the photo above? Yes. I did. Did that define me as a person? Determine my value?


Many times other people in our lives will make decisions that impact us. They may circle around and make us look like we failed.

A spouse abandons their family. Someone refuses to get a job. A meal gets ruined because of a mistake. The list could go on and on.

Do those define us as failures?


Those do not define us as failures anymore than something going right determines we are a success. We may have had a failure in our life. Something may not have gone right, but we are not what we do.

Stop, look around at the people instead. Do horrible things happen?

Yes. But they do not define us. Make wise choices in the chaos. Make healthy choices in the places you can in your life. But don’t allow others choices to dictate your success or failure.


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Diminishing Value?

“You are too young to know anything about that. Wait until you are older to talk about such things.”

“You only have young children, you have no idea what it is like to have teenagers. Your advice is basically useless.”

“You only have teenagers, you have forgotten what it is like to have young children.”

“You don’t know what it is like to have a healthy marriage since you are divorced.”

“You are not married, what would you know about a marriage relationship?”

“You struggle with depression, how can you talk about being happy.”

“You don’t have a degree, so you don’t know what you are doing.”



We can always find reasons why someone who is talking us does not have value. Could it be that the advice they are giving is wrong?

That can happen.

Sometimes though, many times, we dismiss people because of age, experience or what we see as lack of knowledge.

I will never forget when at 28, I offered to help with a class on cooking on a budget. I was quite reserved and it was fairly difficult to even offer. I had extensive experience for the previous fifteen years minimum of cooking on an extreme budget. It was second nature to me. I had more experience than most people would have in a lifetime, including cooking for 17-50 on a regular basis with little resources.

The woman laughed that I spoke to. “Dear, you are too young to be teaching other women. Wait until you are a bit older.”

It took me aback a bit.  I had been told many times in my life that what I had to offer was not of value because of my age, my perceived age, stature, education or the like. “Your children are too young to know how homeschooling might actually go. Wait until you are older.”

Recently though I heard, “Your children are too old to understand and remember what homeschooling young children was like. We need to hear from people who have young children.”

Another thing I heard someone say, “We need to stick to being around and hearing from people that are only of our belief systems, our kind.”

It got me to thinking!

We need a mixture of varied ages, influences and experiences in our circles. We need the people that have older children, younger children, large families, small families, different levels of education, and from all areas and walks of life. We need diversity in our lives.

If we only surround ourselves with people that are in the same place, with the same experiences as we have, we will end up with a very narrow minded point of view.

Instead when a child speaks the truth to you, but it stings a bit, don’t disregard his truth because he is a child. Thank him for it. He may be young, but truth is truth.

If a younger woman can teach you something, like budgeting or cooking, accept it with joy. It is a gift to learn from others.

If an older person shares a truth with you, and you feel like they are not qualified to deliver it, but it is truth, accept it and thank them. Truth is truth, no matter who it is from.

Sometimes those that we least expect truth to come from, are the best teachers.

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