Change. Choices. Character.

I think we can all admit that there has been a lot of change in the last month. Many would not have believed it was coming had they been told. Oh, wait! Some of them were told.

My mom was in Italy in February, so I had a front row seat via Marco Polo of what was coming down the pike. However, while I felt I prepared well mentally, physically and always have plenty of supplies, I don’t think I prepared well for seeing the choices and character development that ensued.

The daily choices we make, whether it be words, thoughts, or actions all demonstrate our character.  I saw the inside view of the characters of people in a way I never thought I would.

Fear does funny things to people. They lash out in a way that often is demonstrative and hurtful, even though that may have not been their intention. For me, though, my thoughts concerning the messages, emails, phone calls and the way it was handled  will have forever changed my viewpoint of certain individuals.

This life was normal in the beginning of March. Spending time with family, friends and others was not only acceptable, but required. While so many times enjoyable, there is a pressure that comes with what is enjoyable for some people. I was begging for relief.

With the new expectations, we have to make choices. The choices include not only how we talk to others, but what classes we participate in, how many video chats we can do, what zoom meetings are we scheduling around. Are we dressed to be camera presentable?

As I am trying to adjust to life on a camera, it brings up questions after our safe place. My home is a safe place. Daily, I am bringing strangers, friends and family into my home and life, leaving me still little time for reflection. It is a different type of normal. The isolation? I love it. Maybe too much.

The expectations and social explosion of opinions wear me out.

But on the plus side, I have time to see what life is bringing me in that realization.

I found out that the choices some people make are not ones that I would make.

Isolation is comforting to me. It gives boundaries and rules which I crave.

My world keeps changing and I don’t like change. I like things to be laid out, good or bad.

As I reflect on these things, I see the character begin to develop, whether it be healthy or unhealthy in myself and others by what they are posting on social media, their comments, their videos, their texts.

My question is, what kind of character do we want to come out with when the worlds settles?

What is the impression we wanted to leave others with?

Did we care for others in the way we should have?

Did we place more value on standing up for our own rights or did we think about the way our rights may impact others if we press for them?

We all have choices to make. Let us not let the choices we make today, impact our character tomorrow in a poor way, but instead help us to grow our character in a positive way.

 

A Cinderella Christmas by Amanda Tru

 

My Review:

When I picked up this book, back around Christmas time, I assumed it would be a light, happy, fun Christmas read. I didn’t think it would have a life changing message. I wanted to review it so that others would look it up!

In the story, it begins with a car accident, and one that is the characters fault. She struggles with the guilt of it, even though it was an accident. When she is distressed, no one stopped to check on her. She made the comment in her journal about how many times she walked by someone or walked away when she should have spoken up. The story goes on to show how her thought on that, changed many lives, from young to old.

I read this book last week, and yesterday, I noticed a girl sitting on a bench. She looked very serious, almost upset. I smiled at her and our eyes caught. Before I could stop myself, I asked her, “Are you ok?”

She smiled and I realized she was probably just deep in thought and I moved on. But she seemed relieved to be noticed, someone cared… I don’t know her story and likely never will, but the book gave me a lesson that sometimes it is the little things that speak to someone.

If you are looking for a fun inspirational read, check this one out.

 

A Cinderella Christmas 

https://amzn.to/2wz3W4W

The Devaluing of the Fiction Story

Once upon a time there was a fiction story written. It was taken from true facts, stories and the many experiences of the author on the topic. The readers rejoiced to see the story come to life and feel as though they experienced it.

But the naysayers came up to say, “Is it a true story? If it is fiction we cannot have it. We need to read true stories.”

The fact of the matter is, most truth is stranger than fiction. If you have read a fiction novel and it made you look up the facts, it has done its job. The author likely created the story with facts, and made up a story around it. Other times a fiction story is written with true facts that cannot be revealed as the truth.

I wrote a fiction novel that will never be published, based off of life experiences I had. At one point, I shared a portion of it with someone and some of the comments were laughable. The points they called out as unrealistic and too much fiction, were facts and experiences that had happened to me. I realized then that I could never publish a non fiction book of my life or people would do this even more so.

Yes, I have had an odd life. It is not one you would read everyday, as even to myself when I start to repeat what I have experienced, I stop and think, “How on earth?”

When you read a fiction novel, instead of thinking, “Is this a true story?” look at the facts that it is based on and what you can learn from it. If you find yourself irritated by fiction, take some time to look at your life and why that is.

Fiction at times, can be the most truth telling about a life. It is often protecting those that cannot share their stories in the most pure form.

When you critique a book, realize to look at it in a critical format, without partiality.

1. When was the setting of the book?
2. Were times different then than now?
3. Why am I assuming that I know more than the author that spent many, many years of research before writing this book, without looking it up? (Always look it up before you critique, I learned that the hard way).
4. Distinguish that fiction allows liberties and not everything has to be factual, but you want to figure out the difference, usually by reading the authors notes.

These are helpful when you post a book review or critically offer suggestions. Fiction is valuable. Let’s stop putting it in a secondary place value.

Veiled in Smoke by Jocelyn Green

 

Description

Meg and Sylvie Townsend manage the family bookshop and care for their father, Stephen, a veteran still suffering in mind and spirit from his time as a POW during the Civil War. But when the Great Fire sweeps through Chicago’s business district, they lose much more than just their store.

The sisters become separated from their father and make a harrowing escape from the flames with the help of Chicago Tribune reporter Nate Pierce. Once the smoke clears away, they reunite with Stephen, only to learn soon after that their family friend was murdered on the night of the fire. Even more shocking, Stephen is charged with the crime and committed to the Cook County Insane Asylum.

Though homeless and suddenly unemployed, Meg must not only gather the pieces of her shattered life, but prove her father’s innocence before the asylum truly drives him mad.

My Review:

This novel takes us to the Great Chicago fire, to give us an inside view of other stories happening at the same time. The eye opening experience of soldiers suffering from PTSD or “Soldier’s Heart”, was really sad, but also so educational. You live through the trauma of the fire with the characters, see what they saw, and live it. The trauma from the fire, also demonstrates a great example of PTSD from a traumatic event as well.
The book is well written, well researched and highly enjoyable. It has one of the most beautiful covers ever as well. This author takes her time on research, and while some of her books have a small romance thread, this is a historical novel, not a romance. It would appeal to both men and women, in my opinion.

I obtained this book from the publisher. The opinions contained herein are my own.

 

This book is available for purchase wherever books are sold. It is also available on audio. 

Veiled in Smoke 

Homeschooling: How is it done?

Education looks different for everyone.

How I do it may not work for you. Sometimes I am not sure if it is working for me. But everyday I seek to perfect it, and make it better.

I know a lot of families that make education their secondary priority. Homeschooling or traditional schooling, it doesn’t matter, it happens in both. School is not the priority and the kids end up getting the short end of the stick.

Homeschool Basketball team top in West side of State

Homeschoolers play competitive Sports

Science Lab-Placenta

Learning how to care for trauma victims

Titanic Tea

Book Club

Workhouse Kitchen Diorama

These are a few photos of some of the things we do with homeschooling. What you don’t see here is the nitty gritty part of the days. I am seeking constantly to make sure my children are doing their work and staying on top of it. I have one away at  a university in his Junior year, one that is working on his own business and for a local company, and two in high school. My homeschooling days are winding down, and I have learned some valuable lessons.

1. Sometimes doing your best is not good enough. What I mean by that is that if you are struggling to keep up, your kids are all not getting things done, it is time for outside help. I know, I know. It is expensive, you don’t have the money for it, and all that. Your kids are worth it. If you don’t want them to think you neglected their education, don’t neglect this.
2. Teaching other peoples kids is easier than teaching your own. Maybe trade off with someone, join in teaching classes and send your kid to someone else’s class.
3. Sports helps kids learn better. Exercise can work out a lot of pent up emotion and work out some of the struggles that stop their brain from working.
4. If nothing is going right today, push through. Don’t put off for tomorrow. You will just end up farther and farther behind as something will always come up. Make it different than you tried, use videos, books, interpretative dance, music, whatever, but do something every single day. What? There is no behind in homeschooling? I am sorry, but there is.
5. If you can’t get school done at home, find a school that works for their needs, hire a tutor or something, but don’t give your kids the short end of the stick because you can’t do it.

Now, time to take my own lessons and apply them this week. =)

Failure?

What is failure?

To me, I see it is in the eyes of the beholder.

We look at what someone else did and we see they have failed to do what we believe they should have done.

In another’s eyes, they may be happy with what is being done, and irritated by what the first person expected.

So, did we fail? Or did we succeed?

For me, this picture represented some of the produce I grew this summer. For an accomplished gardener, it may have been a failure.

It was a success for me.

In our lives we will have people that speak into them. They will speak into our lives telling us what we did right and what we did wrong. More often, it is easier to hear what we did right, but what will stick with us is what we did wrong.

I was hammered by opinions and talk these last few weeks. It was overwhelming to the point that I realized something. There comes a point where it becomes about putting someone down, without building them up. There are some amazing people that cared, spoke up and really fought through to make sure people heard that they loved enough to strive for the truth.

There were others that do not do this.

It is hard to go into the next week without seeing failure. It might have been that grade you got on a test. It might have been the friend that told you that you had poor style. It may have been the sermon at church talking about how to have a perfect marriage, when yours is less than perfect. Failure.

I know I learned with my kids that if all you focus on is punishment, you will never reap the reward of your child coming to you when they messed up. What they expect from you is punishment. But when you have build them to the point that when they mess up, they admit it, humble themselves and learn from it, with natural punishments rather than forced ones, they learn to trust.

A group I visited online earlier was discussing things in the world, that are pretty standard. The group defended speaking poorly of someone, because they looked scary to them. The words were cruel and hateful, in any form, let alone someone who was claiming to be a supposed follower of Someone that never spoke like that. My comment was deleted, along with some of the hateful comments, but the shame I carried remained. I stopped though to think, maybe the fear that bespoke the response this person had came from someone who felt they had failed. They were only shown hate towards those that didn’t match perfection, and therefore knew no different.

It made me sad for them.

Failure is a state of mind or being.

As I face this next week, I am going to remind myself that I am not perfect. I don’t expect myself to be so anymore, and I do not need to fear punishment. We can go through life and make mistakes, own them and move forward. Our lives can be better for learning through peaceful correction and love. The hate does not have to rule that drives us to feel we failed.

 

Silencing those that Speak Up

In my last post, I spoke on fake support. This one goes along with that a bit, in silencing those that speak up.

When you look around in  a room full of people, what do you see?

You see people.

When you are speaking, you are often speaking from your own experience and may use phrases that to you are clear. You think the person in front of you is coming from similar beliefs, background and therefore will take what you say the same way.

I would love for you to stop, think and listen more before we use phrases that silence.

It could be a topic that encompasses any subject, polarizing or not. You may be in a place where you think everyone is anti- abortion, and make a comment, “Only an insane person would ever consider an abortion.”

You do not know who you are speaking to and if that was something that they have experienced. It shuts down relationships that have any depth.

On Social Media, when you post praising someone that has abused others, defend them and claim that “It was in the past.” or “It was not like it seems,”, you tell the people in your social circle that have been abused that they cannot trust you. If they came to you, and told you of abuse they were suffering, would you say, “Abuse is such a buzzword these days. Everyone has been “abused”.”

I would hope not. But when you say it online, or in passing conversation, someone that has experienced abuse hears that you do not believe her. She is not going to be able to come to you for support.

I know, I know. Many people will say that they have freedom to speak, they should be able to say what they want on their own places without having to think about everyone else in the world.

But is that really how it should be?

Everyone has filing cupboards in their head, or at least I do. You have files of people you like, but they are not safe people to tell any info outside the surface level. When I hear statements that shut others down, I add them to the file.

It doesn’t mean I am not around them, but I am not going to ask them for help when I am in trouble.

Our lives are short. We never know when the end will come. If we want to be trustworthy people in this life, think before you speak.

A few practical ways you can do this.

• Use supportive words.
• Don’t assume political parties or affiliations
• Do not use shaming words like “Buzzword” or “Drama Queen”.
• Don’t hide your discrimination or racism in your faith.
• Say, “I hope anyone that is struggling in that way feels I can be a support even though I have never been through it.”

 

 

The Joy of Falling by Lindsay Harrel

Description

Eva and Angela must learn to live again. One step at a time.

It has been fifteen months since Eva and Angela lost their thrill-seeking husbands in a scuba diving accident. Both women are trying to navigate their way through the grief, but neither one is making much progress. Angela is barely making ends meet, angry at her husband for leaving her to raise three children on her own. Meanwhile, Eva is stuck, unable to move forward after losing the love of her life and her source of inspiration.

But then Eva gets a life-changing phone call. Before Brent and Wes died, they had signed up for a race of a lifetime—an ultra-marathon in beautiful New Zealand. Eva begs Angela to run the race with her in their husbands’ place, and Angela finally agrees, hoping to finally understand her husband’s choices.

Training is exhausting, and the race is even more demanding. Their journey grows more complicated by the presence of two men—Marc is Brent’s best friend who is running the race with Eva and Angela, and Simon King is a writer who is covering their inspiring story. With every step, Eva and Angela must ask themselves questions that they haven’t had the courage to ask before. As the women literally put one foot in front of the other, they wonder: Is it possible to find their way forward in hope?

 

My Review:

 

Sometimes you wonder if a favorite author can top her last book. This author did just that. She captured the grief process for the two women, life issues and wrapped it all up with a bow of conquering something together.
I related so much to Angela in this story, especially with her early struggles with running. Romance is not the focus of this novel, but there is hints of it all throughout. The theme would be healing, forgiveness and changing oneself.
If you have been looking for a book that will touch your heart for 2020, this is the book for you. It is such a beautifully told story, plus, you can almost hear the accents as you read it since part of it is set in New Zealand.

I obtained this book from the publisher. All opinions contained herein are my own.

The Joy of Falling  is available for pre-order! I would recommend you do that! It also available on audio and kindle.

 

Daughter of Rome by Tessa Afshar

Description A woman with a devastating secret. A man bent on proving his worth. A chance encounter that catapults them into the heart of history. When the daughter of a prominent Roman general meets a disinherited Jewish immigrant, neither one can dream of God’s plan to transform them into the most influential couple of the early church. Nor can they anticipate the mountains that will threaten to bury them. Their courtship unwittingly shadowed by murder and betrayal, Priscilla and Aquila slowly work to build a community of believers, while their lives grow increasingly complicated thanks to a shaggy dog, a mysterious runaway, and a ruthless foe desperate for love. But when they’re banished from their home by a capricious emperor, they must join forces with an unusual rabbi named Paul and fight to turn treachery into redemption. With impeccable research and vivid detail, Daughter of Rome is both an emotive love story and an immersive journey through first-century Rome and Corinth, reminding readers once again why Debbie Macomber has said that “no one brings the Bible to life like Tessa Afshar.” My Review: When you read biblical fiction, there are always spoilers. However, this book since this was a less commonly known character or characters from the bible, it didn’t feel that way totally. I loved the history thinking about a Gentile marrying a Jew because of Christianity. The racial divide was pronounced and as I see this often now, with the rampant racism, this book is so applicable for today. The message of allowing Christ’s forgiveness of your sins spoke to me, as I read about someone that had committed sin, had flaws and struggled to forgive herself. It is well written, a bit gritty at times, and wholly challenging to my faith. I obtained this book from the publisher. All thoughts contained herein are my own.

This book is available for purchase from your local booksellers and online.

Daughter of Rome is available on Kindle, audio, hardcover and paperback.

 

Unsupportive?

Society tends to look at themselves as being supportive and offering unbiased support of others.

However, there are sly ways that people are often unsupportive that can come across as being “holy”, “protecting themselves” or the like.

Phrases like “There are two sides to ever story”. “I am just tired of the drama.” or “We just need to not give them a platform.” are phrases that while can sound good, are really silencing techniques.

I recently heard a critique of the book above, that was similar to this. Basically, the storyline was so depressing to them, it was worthless. Instead they went and gave their time to something that had no depressing info in it at all.

I get it. We like to pretend these kind of things don’t happen. We like to pretend that Tara Westover was being dramatic. It is easier than realizing this is happening in our own communities and before our eyes.

I know when I have shared experiences I have had, I get a couple of reactions. It is either pity or possibly scorn. Another reaction can be that it is depressing and I am bringing the mood down.

I would love to see people think before they speak on that. Do you have any idea how hard it is for someone to speak on traumatic topics like this?

It is your choice whether to read it or not. It is not your choice to ignore it. When you stick your head in the sand and think, “I can’t handle it.”, you ignore others that are in your community. You may think it is “just a book”, “just a story”. For many people, a book may be the story they can’t write themselves.

You don’t know how many people can relate to “just a book” and hearing it that it was “dramatic” might be insulting those that are your readers.

But, if something is bringing up too much from the past for you, it could be that this is a healthy response to have your memories triggered in a way that means you need to deal with them.

Get a therapist.

Make time to see one.

But don’t shut other people down because you can’t handle drama. That downplays their experience. Be honest instead. Even using the word “drama” to describe a situation that is traumatic for someone is really painful.

“This is traumatizing for me. I am not able to handle this now.” is a healthier statement.

A better one can be, “I am so sorry for what has happened to you. However, I feel I am not the best person to talk to about it since I have my own traumas. Can I give you a referral to someone I think would be good?”

Learn to think carefully as you speak. It will bear more fruit than the flippant ways of dealing with people with traumatic pasts.